Thursday, October 6, 2011

It was a slow day and the sun was beating...

"So" said Editor-in-Chief Smut Clyde " I see that the shoe box labelled "Politics with an AK' is empty" he held out the shoe box, took the lid off and turned it upside down. Aside from the gasps of comprehension from the other side of the world and an Apricot and Octopus spring roll,  nothing resulted.
"No chief" said ace reporter "Scoop (not in terms of "put in a scoop") Another Kiwi" he took his Press card from his hatband and read from the back of the card "it is a slow newsday". He looked vaguely surprised and put the card back.
Hardened newsman Clyde clenched his fists, elbows, knees and toes, "Not my problem, bucko" he said and pointed to the sign on the door. "It says News" he intoned "and news is what we sell. Find some" He spun on his heel and walked into the broom cupboard. Muffled clanking sounds signified that he had found the Role Play costume that Greenish Hugh had hidden there after the "Lifestyle" column had rejected his "Dress up like a horse" day idea.
Still puzzling over how an exit sign could be read as saying News, Scoop AK logged into the Earthquake rebuilding site. After scrolling through the pages of contracts being awarded to relatives of The Minister for Rebuilding, he found the New Contracts page and felt the quickening of pulse he always felt. Only to see that his idea of rebuilding Christchurch as the "Venice of the South" had been turned down again. People seemed to be scared of controlled flooding projects.
"News" he thought "News, pews, screws, views, clues. Ah hah, I wonder what that Alaskan screechy woman is doing, I think she turned down an Oscar or something"
But no! Checking on the website of her Grizzliness, AK discovered that she had withdrawn from the Pestilential  race. Reading further he discovered two more amazing facts.
Sarah Palin has fought for conservatism long before anyone ever imagined that she will be thrust upon the national stage
and from the comments:
yeah it's true!  america is so much better than england or portugal!  we're number one and we always will be until the rapture, thanks to sarah!


and don't forget France! lots betta than France! Even after the rapture we'll still be #1! Which of the candidates do you think will get sucked up to heaven? Sara sure will!!!!
  AK's noble brow furrowed in deep thought. "How could it be" he thought "that when Michael J. Fox got back from the past, there was no substitute Marty McFly there? No wait, the Palming lady! this is news. She is going to be enraptured and set up a new kingdom that is better than england and portugal, which are so awful that they don't even have a capital letters"
Hurriedly he consulted Olde Persnickerty's Random Almanac. "The next Rapture is in September 2012. I wonder if there is time to get internationally recognised as a leading and authoritative newsman, go to Alaska and split up the Palmetto's marriage, so that she marries me and I get some of the kingdom?"
 "Bugger, it is Parasegmental appendage allocation in annelids and arthropods and Rockquiz week at the Old Entomologist, next month. I can't start until after that."
Hurriedly he cut and pasted an article together about the coming New Kingdom and walked over to the broom cupboard. He knocked and said "Politics column here, chief"
"Call me Chief Dobbin from now on, lad" came the muffled reply and put the copy on my desk, in the IN Skull. I'll be out soonish"
"Righto, Dobbin" he replied.

8 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

♪♫GUY ON A BUFFALOOOOooooooo♪♫♪♫
~

Another Kiwi said...

Mozzarella You, gotta no respect, aw shuttuppa you face

Smut Clyde said...

Truth be told, I was once in the habit of wearing a printed "PRESS" sign in the band of my hat. It worked as long as people didn't recognise it as the perforated circular tab that you push inwards to open the cardboard box around a 3-litre plastic wine-bag (Wohnsiedler Industrial White, if memory serves).

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Here's the extended play version.
~

fish said...

Smut Clyde sneaking into the Olde Entomologist.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Making teh rounds, eh?
Digging up dirt, huh?
Beating teh shoe leather, IYKWIMAITTYD?

Substance McGravitas said...

Those comments ARE great.

Jean_A Today 12:35 AM in reply to tedv
I donated to her PAC yesterday and I don't feel like an idiot.


Alas, there is no money-back guarantee.

Another Kiwi said...

The comments are rather special and complement the Bunglish at the site. And, well, Jean, you probably don't feel like you have blood in your body, too.