Monday, December 12, 2011

Poledancer-gram!

The dude on the cross looks to be enjoying the show but he'd rather the disciples had spent the money on bribing a gaoler instead.



Turn your attention to the guys at the left and right. The convention in Renaissance painting was to show Dismas and Gestas (the two co-stars at the crucifixion) in less dignified poses. Usually they are bound to their crosses without nails, arms draped over the cross-piece, elbows and knees all akimbo. Perhaps they had been Spartans, or rope-makers by occupation rather than carpenters.

This is all very well until religious fanatics read Luke 23:39-43, and overcome by fervour they attire themselves in emulation of one or other thief and tie themselves to crosses in similar poses. Then they find they cannot free themselves, and their skeletons are discovered much later.

What has Skelesanta brought in his sack for the good boys and girls of the world?

26 comments:

Substance McGravitas said...

I gather Dismas and Gestas are winding up for a version of the Thong Song.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

This all seems very festive and Grateful to me.
~

Smut Clyde said...

British Museum has a nice version of The Three Disgraces.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Perhaps they had been ... rope-makers by occupation rather than carpenters.


Pity the dildo-artisans who suffered this punishment.

Rachel said...

Can't find anything there called The Three Disgraces... several without the "Dis-" ?

Smut Clyde said...

Teh British Museum website is a LYING JADE.
This is the lonk:
http://www.britishmuseum.org/collectionimages/AN00018/AN00018259_001_l.jpg

Rachel said...

A rather sacred picture of skeletons, having the delicacy of a pieta...
A rather profane picture of the Christ, what with witchy Mag making gang signs and straddling the pole...
You found the link in Skelesanta...
Skelesanta = It's all fecking relative ain't it.

And the literary devices - lifted! Kind of like synechdoche?

Rachel said...

Michelangelo's left-hand crucifant is DISGRACEFULLY badly drawn (arms? head? what?), otherwise a nice site to have linked to, tanks!!!

Rachel said...

What is the pen name under which you deliver YOUR sci-fi masterpieces?

wiley said...

Or, as the social historian Sam Kennison noted, the whole tragic mess could have been avoided had the Savior's friends had a ladder and a pair of pliers.

Smut Clyde said...

All this talk of skeletons and crucifixations is totally triggering me.

vacuumslayer said...

What has Skelesanta brought in his sack for the good boys and girls of the world?


Nothing. I'm forever on the Naughty list. :(

fish said...

I gather Dismas and Gestas are winding up for a version of the Thong Song.

No, it's What a friend we have in Jesus. Not much of a drinking song, given the circumstances.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

You know, crucifixion isn't universally lethal - so it can by regarded as a kind of trial by ordeal. Since Tah Jeez only made six hours, God was clearly not with him.

Meaning either:
Jeez not as holy as all that OR
teh whole crucifixion thing was all a big mistake. A bug, not a feature.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

perhaps, as D-K W pints out, not entirely lethal in Jebus case. Hence the rising after three days business.

So I call FAKE ZOMBIE.

wiley said...

teh whole crucifixion thing was all a big mistake. A bug, not a feature.

Now you see, that's what I got out of it before my mother gave up on getting me to make that histrionic and embarrassing, yet highly revered in them circles, spectacle of myself by walking down the aisle all emotional and shit and proclaiming that I was SAVED because I prayed and Jesus "came into my heart" and personally told me I was one of his sheep.

I found EVERY SINGLE ONE of their interpretations of scripture to be MISSING THE ENTIRE POINT.

The lesson of the crucifixion---from where I was sittin'--- that anyone who proclaims Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, especially such a specimen who believes that Jesus is going to come back after having so much good luck the first go around---is YOU ASSHOLES. YOU CRUCIFIED THE SON OF GOD. YOU SHOULD NOT CRUCIFY PEOPLE, BECAUSE YA NEVER KNOW...we're all so stupid, sometimes, and Jesus will forgive us for being stupid sometimes, but we gotta TRY to be better and kinder and more loving and more forgiving and...and even a little bit SMARTER at times when a person's life and dignity depends on someone, maybe, giving another five minutes of thought on the matter.

The crucifixion should be any Christian's best argument against capital punishment EVER.

Mendacious D said...

And the blood libel, for that matter.

Usually they are bound to their crosses without nails, arms draped over the cross-piece, elbows and knees all akimbo.

Posers.

Rachel said...

Paul Delvaux... what a beautiful artist. His Christ looks like Gauguin's:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gauguin_portrait_1889.JPG

And his "Calvary" with skeletons looks surprisingly like an art exhibition locale.

Look where the Age of Reason has led us, and remember the truth, beauty, love and sense of Home that is in women's bodies. If only modern artists had a system of meanings to represent and glorify, with a pure heart. That is what they crave and indeed live for.

Smut Clyde said...

arms draped over the cross-piece, elbows and knees all akimbo.
Posers.


Voguing!

Gentlewoman said...

You know, I was talking to a friend on the telephone the other night, and I recommended this site to him because of the Keats and Chapman, etc., and then I come here today and find a post featuring poledancing on the freakin' crosserjeezis. And vogueing thieves.

It's like a zombie/skeletal rave up in here. I sure hope today is the day one of the few people on earth who still takes me seriously picks to visit.

w/v: lodzoo

No, reely?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Perhaps they had been Spartans, or rope-makers by occupation rather than carpenters.

Gestas had a job selling rope to gnoles.

Smut Clyde said...

We take you seriously, Gentlewoman.

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

I just had a dream about trying to inflate a leaky American football stuffed with hot dogs using a rifle-shaped air pump and de-casing the wieners trying to improve the fill. If I were in New Zealand, I'd call you out, Smut, or horsewhip you on the steps of your club. If I had a horse.

M. Bouffant said...

Does the skeleton lower right at Santa's bag o' bones have feathery wings, or izzat an iguana crawling on the skel?

fish said...

I just had a dream about trying to inflate a leaky American football stuffed with hot dogs using a rifle-shaped air pump and de-casing the wieners trying to improve the fill.

Dr. Freud called. Says he quits.

Smut Clyde said...

Also the monkey wants his football back.