Sunday, May 20, 2012

English Championship Soccer league wrap.

Brian O'Brien: Good evening and welcome to the yearly annual wrap up of The English championship League with internationally recognised football pundit, Another Kiwi.
(Silence, then squeaking noise)
AK: Alls I did was sit on the fecking chair and it broke. Have we lost the knowledge of chairmaking?
Alexi (sound booth tech): Dunno, ask security, they have lost and found.
B O'B: AK are you there?
AK: Hello Bob.
B O'B: Brian
AK: He wants to talk to you, Brian.
Alexi: What?
B O'B: No AK, that's Alexi, the sound guy.
AK: Not chair mechanic, that's bleedin obvious.(door slams) Oh he's gone now.
B O'B:  So, the Championship League and the promotion of Westham United?
AK: Brendan it was a very close race, very close and the better team, on the day won, and that team, Brendan was football, Brendan.
B O'B: Brian.
AK: That's not the so called chair fixer is it, because it's still very wobbly. No Brad, Southampton could count themselves lucky to be going up.
B O'B: Because they won everything all year?
AK: No because they have been devastated, Brill, devastated by shipyard closure. Little babbies with not enough shoes to eat! Many of the amptons should be counting their blessings.
B O'B: Southampton shipyard closures after the First World War?
AK:  Aren't we all, Brie, aren't we all.
B O'B: So AK, how will the Hammers shape up in the Premier League.
AK: William, I think they'll do OK. They have the nucleus of a good side, the movement up will give them publicity and attract new players and they have a side that knows how to win games now. Carlton Cole was saying this morning how he wanted to make a real success of it.
B O'B:  Uh, right. How's the chair?
AK: THE CHAIR IS IMMATERIAL HERE, WALTER!
(crashing sound, door opens,)
Alexi: Sorry Mr AK. I can't help you, I'm not a chair repairer.
(door shuts)
AK: The poor wee babbies eatin' sardine sammiches!
B O'B: Well, it's time for some interesting music.


13 comments:

mikey said...

I don't 'Get' soccer in any way, but based on this piece I'd damn sure tune into the post-game show...

Another Kiwi said...

Thanks Mikey

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I enjoy football vicariously, meself.
~

Smut Clyde said...

A neighbour down the road is a keen supporter of Wolverhampton. Like, "W0LVES" numberplate keen. The Doktorling Sonja does not approve of us referring to him as "Mr Wolfie".

Another Kiwi said...

A plumber's van has recently been parked in front of a block of flats near to here. It has a blue scarf stretched across the back window, inside the van, which proudly proclaims "Gillingham F.C." to anyone, anyone!! People should keep their perversions to themselves, I say.
Wackypedia tells us :In 2006, Sancho became the first Gillingham player ever to play in the World Cup finals, and technically the first to score in the World Cup when he scored an own goal in the 2–0 group defeat to Paraguay

Smut Clyde said...

I enjoy football vicariously
Thunder likes to dress up as a vicar? Way TMI.
I am given to understand that wearing the garments of a religion to which you do not belong makes you a transsectual.

fish said...

Thunder likes to dress up as a vicar?

If the vicar asks if you want to play a little "ball," the answer is always no.

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

In the USA, we call it "rugby".

Sirius Lunacy said...

Don't forget to pick up your official soccer player action figures.

Sirius Lunacy said...

I watched a bit of football this weekend, but I have to flip my monitor upside down to see it properly. I also have the added advantage of getting to watch the game 15 hours before it actually happens.

Kathleen said...

needs more topless Van Persie pics

Another Kiwi said...

Sirius Lunacy is banned. A CRIME AGAINST NATURE, SIR!!!

Substance McGravitas said...

Like, "W0LVES" numberplate keen.

Sounds better than not knowing where the fuck you're going.