Brian O'Brien: Good evening and welcome to the yearly annual wrap up of The English championship League with internationally recognised football pundit, Another Kiwi.
(Silence, then squeaking noise)
AK: Alls I did was sit on the fecking chair and it broke. Have we lost the knowledge of chairmaking?
Alexi (sound booth tech): Dunno, ask security, they have lost and found.
B O'B: AK are you there?
AK: Hello Bob.
B O'B: Brian
AK: He wants to talk to you, Brian.
B O'B: No AK, that's Alexi, the sound guy.
AK: Not chair mechanic, that's bleedin obvious.(door slams) Oh he's gone now.
B O'B: So, the Championship League and the promotion of Westham United?
AK: Brendan it was a very close race, very close and the better team, on the day won, and that team, Brendan was football, Brendan.
B O'B: Brian.
AK: That's not the so called chair fixer is it, because it's still very wobbly. No Brad, Southampton could count themselves lucky to be going up.
B O'B: Because they won everything all year?
AK: No because they have been devastated, Brill, devastated by shipyard closure. Little babbies with not enough shoes to eat! Many of the amptons should be counting their blessings.
B O'B: Southampton shipyard closures after the First World War?
AK: Aren't we all, Brie, aren't we all.
B O'B: So AK, how will the Hammers shape up in the Premier League.
AK: William, I think they'll do OK. They have the nucleus of a good side, the movement up will give them publicity and attract new players and they have a side that knows how to win games now. Carlton Cole was saying this morning how he wanted to make a real success of it.
B O'B: Uh, right. How's the chair?
AK: THE CHAIR IS IMMATERIAL HERE, WALTER!
(crashing sound, door opens,)
Alexi: Sorry Mr AK. I can't help you, I'm not a chair repairer.
AK: The poor wee babbies eatin' sardine sammiches!
B O'B: Well, it's time for some interesting music.