Friday, October 5, 2012

Oh, puppetry of the penis... we misheard

Dear Adompha, Absolute Lord of Loithé, King of Sotar,
It is always a pleasure to hear from a fellow devotee of the dark craft of unnatural anthrobotanical hybridising.*

Biosecurity restrictions in this country mean that the pale ichor of the dedaim is no longer to be had for love nor money, but we have found that for the purpose of melding animal circulation to the slower xylem and phloem of vascular plants, the sap of the deodand is an acceptable substitute.

As for the specific transgressive grafting you describe, in our experience it is better to err on the side of harvesting too early than waiting too late in the season, as the fruit are vulnerable to frost. Also they bruise easily so there is no mechanical substitute for manual harvesting.

We sympathise entirely with your problems from anti-GMO campaigners with their tedious hidebound bleating about "species integrity" and "life-force" and "purity of bloodline". Our own cutting-edge exploration of conceptual whorticulture encounters similar obstructiveness, but here it is not so easy to arrange for the disappearance of the protesters with a discreet beck to the wizened magician Dwerulas and a casual hint of one's displeasure.

* Not to be confused with the Hubris, whose struggle for self-determination we whole-heartedly support. US out of Hubristan!

12 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I suppose Hubristan is yet undisclosed location where we're using our secret killer robots, isn't it?
~

Smut Clyde said...

DON'T MENTION THE KILLER ROBOTS.

mikey said...

Why?

Are we all in Killer Robot Club now?

Substance McGravitas said...

I have really got to do some Penthouse Forum JanusNode.

Another Kiwi said...

Now I find that there are Zombies in Killer Robot Club. I am surprised and not in a Christmas morning sense, I must say.

Smut Clyde said...

Here is a scholarly discussion of the phallusy. Imma thinking animation potential.

Substance McGravitas said...

One of those would look funny in wind.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

We don't have any of the peen trees, but we've got the next best thing... and we like it!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

O Penis Tree, O Penis Tree,
Your rosy scrotums delight us!
...
~

Another Kiwi said...

I think that we can all remember Mr. Thunder's obsession, say we call it, with animal sex-organ soup. Did he ever stop to think that they might be organically grown, vegetable based animal sex-organs? No he did not.
Thank you Sheriff Joe!

vacuumslayer said...

First rule of Killer Robot Club:

Don't talk about Killer Robot Club.

vacuumslayer said...

I'll just leaf this here.