Friday, June 7, 2013

Point of Ordure

Thursday night in the busy Riddled schedule is always taken up with the Acoela and Xenoturbellida Basal Bilateria Affiliations and Beer Froth Sculpture Working Group. This week HonSec Pro-Tem Ad-Hoc Dipso Facto tigris was in the chair. DishonSec Smut Clyde was under the table, and to the gratification of everyone, Throgmorton Portcullis had locked himself in the wardrobe.

 Another Kiwi began by raising the topic of rhetorical incendiary events. Pointing to two consecutive TBogg columns which had mentioned firestorms of protest in social media, he voiced his concern that the increasing frequency of firestorms is further evidence of global climate change, even ones which fail to obliterate Dresden.

Space-Time Eddie attempted to raise a point of order about the agenda. Fortunately he was forestalled by interjections from one Ermintrude van Holsterin, Grannie-at-Law, who wished to express her affrontage about the lack of response from the Committee to her proposals for changes to the rules. Without further encouragement she proceeded to explain the reasons requiring new rules, these being (1) she really hates flies; (2) she really really hates pigeons; and (3) the candle at the 12th hole was just asking for it. Mr A.K. vouchsafed that this was not the meeting of the Mini-Golf Committee. The elder van Holsterin left in high gudgeon promising to take her custom to the Sensitive Frog in future.

Discussion quickly moved on to strategies for dealing with climate-change denialists. "Gassing them like badgers" was mooted, although the source of the suggestion is lost on account of a beerstain lacuna in the Minutes. Mr Clyde proposed that their energetic and enthusiastic use of keyboards might be productively redirected towards denying the reality of other threats to the environment and to society as we know it. Pressed for examples, he nominated "Jaguars falling from the sky".
It was quickly agreed that this particular menace is unlikely to appeal to the contrarian mentality. Even so, the concept of a Jaguars-Falling-From-the-Sky Denialism movement was too good to ignore, and the motion was carried with acclamation, partly due to a widespread conviction that 'acclamation' is a variety of bivalve-derived alcoholic beverage. Greenish Hugh was directed to draw up a list of industry groups profiting from sub-orbital jaguar ballistics who might be approached for funding.

Throgmorton emerged from what Evangeline van Holsterin insists is the "Armoire", bearing a consignment of Turkish Delight which he had obtained through some form or another of false pretenses. The meeting went into abeyance while members experimented with dissolving it in Christmas Ale.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

bivalve-derived alcoholic beverage


OBS said...

This may explain why I always think jaguars are falling from the sky when I drink too much oyster stout.

M. Bouffant said...

So. Another go at flying cars has failed.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

"Jaguars falling from the sky".

I blame Tigris' cousin Panthera.

ckc (not kc) said...'s just ceiling cat

Another Kiwi said...

Dear NSA "Gassing them like badgers" is a schoolboy code we use. It means "Sit down and talk quietly with them" Kthanx.
Could one stand on one's chair and applaud this post? I shall. Well played, that man.

Another Kiwi said...

The Jaguars need to be unbounced, is all I'm sayin'