Thursday, September 12, 2013

Pronounced throat wobbler mangrove.

" I see" vouchsafed Smut Clyde, sitting down at the Riddled tearoom Louis XIVth table " that the America's Cup Yachts are racing again"
I put the biscuit tin back on the table after shaking it upside-down and mournfully replaced the lid. "Yes" I agreed "muscles, sinews and brains combining in a perfect storm of yachting excitement that holds the America's cup fanbase enthralled"
"Yes" said tigiris "all seven of them are in a trouser-wetting state".
"Oh?" enquired Smut "have they had a membership drive, lately? It seems that the Yachting fanboy world is all a-zither about the boats"
Yes" I agreed "technology and muscle and sinew and brains combining in a yachting race thingo, continuing the long and honourable competition."
"I think it reached its height of competition honour, when they said the challengers had to sail their boats to New York for the races." said tigris "thus ensuring that the cup wasn't startled into being won by anyone non-New Yorkian for 100 years."
"Ah, it is race rich in tradition" I said "remember the legal shenanigans over this tournament  when the holder changed the boat specs. What a funny old game, the yachting game."
"A rich man's show pony game" said tigris 'what it really needs is cannons on the boats."
"And a selection of cannon balls" said Smut "so you could balance the weight of hull piercing solid shot with the destructiveness of lighter grapeshot."
"With compulsory rum drinking at various buoy placings" I ventured " and the teams each have a surprise drinking spot forced on them by the other team in between buoys."
"Sharks in the water?" suggested tigris.
"Might run into animal ethics problems with feeding them highly marinated sailors" opined Smut.
"Still, eh" I enthused " the NZ name and brand is on the world's lips as they watch every enthralling race. The last government and this invested 30 million dollars very wisely.
"The name of Emirates Airlines is on the lips of the Americas cup fanboys' observed tigris "who probably own holiday islands in artificial lakes they dynamited in Tuscany and so probably don't come to NZ very much"
"Artificial lakes sound like fun" said Smut taking out his calculator.
"What sounds like fun" I noted "is  Rectilinear convergence in sub-optimal time/space conditions and  two-for-one toads in-several- holes, night at the Old Entomologist"
"You have a point there" said Smut.


h said...

All you need to do is win an America's cup race, and then you can set the conditions for the next race. So if you want to see rum sodden sailors blasting at each other with grapeshot, solid shot and might I suggest chain shot, in shark infested waters, get out there and, in the proud, centuries old tradition of the cup, cheat furiously until your boat crosses the finish line ahead of your competition.

Raymond Luxury Yacht said...

Did someone mention my name?

I kinda like the new hi-tech cats. However, yachting will never be a spectator sport. It would help a bit if they hired this commentator

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

h, how about if the Riddled-crew simply applies their time travel machine to finish line-moving applications?

Set the finish line in front of the New Zed entry, and Bob's your uncle.

Think of the ratings, man! Cannon-equipped racing yachts will bump the NFL off American telebisions, and the bucks will roll in.

Substance McGravitas said...

All you need to do is win an America's cup race, and then you can set the conditions for the next race.

If America ever wins it back the race should be made to play to American strengths. It should be run on a drag strip.

Smut Clyde said...

grapeshot, solid shot and might I suggest chain shot

Sadly, earshot is now banned by international conventions, after the atrocities committed in the War of Jenkin's Ear.

tigris said...


Smut Clyde said...

"Artificial lakes sound like fun" said Smut taking out his calculator.

Let the record show that it was a sliderule.

Another Kiwi said...

No wet swimsuits was the only rule on the slide when I were a lad. O' course when I say swimsuits I mean tarpaper.

Smut Clyde said...

Riddled tearoom Louis XIVth table

IIRC, Throgmorton sold it to us cheap, and said something about it being made from "Louie the cart-horse".

Another Kiwi said...

Dear old Louie, he was good in the annual Christmas tableau.