The Persecution and Assassination of 240 Laboratory Rats as performed by CRIIGEN staff under the direction of Dr Joël Spiroux de Vendomois

Here at the Riddled Amateur Dramatic Society we are not entirely unfamiliar with hostile reviews, so we could sympathise with Séralini et al. upon hearing that their 2012 paper -- "Long term toxicity of a Roundup herbicide and a Roundup-tolerant genetically modified maize" -- had been depublished by Food and Chemical Toxicology. Evidently the paper was more of a theatrical performance than a scientific study, so we take this opportunity to invite Gilles-Eric Séralini and his colleagues to present it under RADS auspices, next open-mike night in the Wigglesworth Lounge at the Old Entomologist.

Séralini et al. are French persons who believe that GM corn is carcinogenic and mutagenic. Their experiment was designed to demonstrate its dangers, by feeding rats on a bewildering array of dietary combinations with a statistically-inadequate number of rats in each group, to ensure that at least one group would display a random but dramatic difference from the control group. They also used Brown-Jenkin rats, an inbred laboratory strain which spontaneously exhibit a high rate of blasphemous mutations -- developing loathsome titters, dextrous paws and sharp-toothed, bearded humanoid features.

The researchers were criticised at the time for ethical violations, in particular for keeping the rats alive after they had transformed (the Brown-Jenkin strain is known for attacking lab assistants and burrowing into their chests, and for kidnapping babies for blood sacrifices to the Elder Things).

The last author of the paper and source of its funding was Joël Spiroux de Vendômois, in his role as President of the anti-GM and pro-whackyness lobby group CRIIGEN. Let's look at his personal website:

I do not know what a Diploma in "Reparation of Legal Bodily Damage and Medical Expertise" involves, because Google could not recognise that phrase in any other context. One can only surmise that it involves lawyering and chasing ambulances.

You will be pleased to know, however, that his Commission's activities include

Implementation of an original and free collection system of the sharp and prickly objects both for private individuals and health professionals with a private practise financed by the General Council.

Dr Vendômois' concern is understandable (given his involvement in acupuncture) and commendable. Sharp and prickly objects (Curls up, but can’t swim — Sharp and Prickly, that’s him!) contribute to a great number of painted-jaguar-related accidents every year.

Appropriate protective clothing should be worn when collecting sharp and prickly objects. The person below right is DOIN IT RONG.


Invisible sharp-&-prickly objects are particularly dangerous.

Here a trio of disembodied flying hands demonstrate the proper way to deal with one, by weaving a protective network of energy filaments around it in the manner of the Tholian Web.

Close inspection of the disembodied flying hands reveals that they are plagued with parasitical digits and letters. It is perfectly normal for this particular strain of hands to develop such an infestation as they age; rest assured that it is not a result of inhumane experiments at the Riddled Research Laboratory, and that they will be painlessly euthanased as soon as it becomes burdensome for them