Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Tales from the White Art

"The Why Tart?" I said. "I do not rate for question-marks as an ingredient in desserts; or indeed any other kind of punctuation mark. Colons and exclamation marks trigger my Irritable Vowel Syndrome. It brings to mind a Keat-and-Chapman story..."

SHUT UP SMUT, said tigris and Another Kiwi. They reminded me that we have covered the White Art previously. Apparently it an artform using the medium of suet or Lard.

The Riddled editorial team are still arguing as to whether this topic will feature in sufficiently many future posts to warrant its own 'LOLlard' label.
In time gone by the treatment of the Lard was expressly sculptural, but definitions have broadened, and White Art practice now includes more conceptual manipulations, e.g. firing arrows into a viking's abdomen.
However, I am old-fashioned and when invitations of this nature turn up in the Spam Tray I still think it is cheating to colour the lard for the appearance of skin and hair and eyes.
"My mathematical career is ruined," sobbed Chapman. "My 180-page proof of the Goldbach Conjecture, destroyed! The cook saw the fancy punctuation peppering the pages and thought they must be intended for culinary use! All that special typography -- the six different fonts to mark all the special symbols, including Ogham and Glagolitic -- is under a pie-crust now! How am I going to explain this to the Tenure Committee?"

"The proof is in the pudding," Keats intoned.


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Liposculpture, eh? Let's take the fat out of your ass and pump it into your face!

This will result in more Tea Party voters.

tigris said...

Do fat injections make you hydrophobic? Or is it all in your head?

Also I prefer there be NO colons in my food.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

"Stromal Vascular Fraction"

My new fantasy football name!

OBS said...

"The Why Tart?"

If it causes Irritable Vowel Syndrome, did you mean "The Y Tart" because that fucking "Y' is irritating as hell, all wishy-washy about whether it's a vowel or not. Make up your damn mind!

Smut Clyde said...


Andouillette sausage is probably not for tigris.