Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Light the blue touchpaper and stand well clear.

Life continues to be a trial for Evangaline van Holsterin's owl, Destroyer of Worlds Raining of Carnage or, as he is known in the hootery, Gimpy. Firstly Evangelines idiot boyfriend tried to get Gimpy interested in point-to-point races for dogs. Despite protests and detailed explanations as to the actual non caninicity of Gimpy, the idiot boyfriend entered him in the 2kms Widdlepuke Street to Cockchafers Avenue (Wire Haired Terrier section). Here they are at Tubesock Road and as you can see Gimpy is hard out to win. Riddled is a family blog so we cannot show you the horrible wounds suffered by the idiot boyfriend but as Evangeline said "It has put some shine into Gimpy's feathers."
Then the Vietnamese chickens turned up.
They are lovely peaceful birds and do not wish to cause any trouble for anyone but, sadly for them, they taste nice to owls. This has caused trouble not the least for Mr Ho who lent the chickens to Evangeline's vile nephew Throgmorton for a Farmyard Pageant  he was involved in up at the hospital. Apparently the presence of hens and chickens calms the old folks there. Or would have if the fowlicidal hootery led by blood crazed Gimpy had not turned up
An artists inpression of the scene follows:
Gimpy was confined to the hootery and had his Ovaltine privileges removed after that.
However the Vietnamese chickens may have had the last laugh as Gimpy contracted an infestation of Binh Thnan ticks.
Fumigating the hootery did not go well as Greenish Hugh does not have good discrimination between "smoking nicely" and "We're all going to die!!!"
However by cunning application of mice marinated in ex-hospital brandy we managed to get Gimpy into a receptive mood for fumigating. Even though he appeared to be in the owl equivalent of  a "Hey pal, giz us a song, will ye!" mood, no one really felt like putting the fumigation bomb which had been activated and  was fast counting down, next to Gimpy. 
We were in a timing tick bomb situation.


rhwombat said...

Hoots, Mon! Wheel there's ye problem, d'ye nae ken? Ye should never o' let that daft booger Durer organise the pageant, let alone involve the Tree Wardsmen of the Alpacalypse (on their llamantably llarge llamas...OK I'm guanaco noo) and the skinny wee mon frae bed 3 who keeps wanting to pitch his fork in.

Are ye sure yon Gimpy haes ticks? Because yon Indochinese foul can also gie ye gnathostomasis and sparganosis. If ye dinna want tae eat yon plerocercoid larvae of diphyllobothroid Spirometra mansonoides, ye should gie up eating live cobra hearts for lent.

Smut Clyde said...

ye should gie up eating live cobra hearts for lent.


Another Kiwi said...

Sir, Riddled staff would be deeply concerned if their Snake Tartare was cancelled during their annual 10 minute Christmas break. Have you no heart, sir??
Yes, well obviously the snake doesn't.

Smut Clyde said...

I suppose you think "timing tick bomb" is funny.

rhwombat said...

Wheell, ye hae ta admit the wee flightless burrd did an awfuel lot o 'wurrrk tae set up yon punchline, so I, fur one, dinna begrudge him Naga sushi at Hogmanay.

Another Kiwi said...

Sir, the Internationale Société de Japes Humoristiques has given "timing tick bomb" a Seinfeld rating of 3.7 which compares favorably with the 72.3 given to the Dead Parrot sketch and the 98.2 given to the Deathstar Canteen sketch.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

#timing tick bomb