It is a well known fact among people who live under internet bridges that the Great Southern Land or Australia was discovered by Captain James Cook whilst looking for the remote down the back of the South Pacific Ocean. While carefully sailing his boat onto rocks near the current site of Sydney, Cook noticed that the rocks were connected to a larger mass of land which he had not noticed before.
Writing in his diary Cook noted "Hit a large land mass today, I think the helmsman was having one of his turns. he keeps shouting at someone called Mr. Turniphead. My uncle had a cat called Turnip. Have given orders for the Merchants and Providor "Riddled" persons to be keel hauled if they come around again. I wonder what happened to that cat?"
Aside from the slur upon the good offices of "Riddled Time Travelling Merchants to the Discerning", the interesting fact is that Cook pays more attention to a cat than he does to the inhabitants of the Great Southern Land who were probably having a laugh at the Pommies stuck on the rocks. Thus was the stage set for Australia's development.
This upward trending in an on going progressionary go forward manner has resulted in the current government who could loosely and possibly unkindly be described as "off the twig" in Australian parlance with its 300 ways of describing the effects of too much heat on the human mind.
The head banana in Australia is Tony Abbott (a name that has given Australian parlance 301 ways to describe the effects of too much heat on the human mind) and he has taken the obligatory step for a conservative government in these Great Southern Oceans of re-instating outdated methods of enforcing feudalism such as "Work Longer For Less Pay" laws and "We'll Spy On Who We Want To" laws and the very popular "Fuck Off If You Don't Like It" laws.
Similarly he has re-instated the Honours System.
This fabulous relic of colonial exploitation and repression gives the Gubblement of the day the power to hand out fancy badges and funny titles to whomsoever they wish to give them to and the rest of us peons can continue to kick a can along the road.
"Oh ho" people will say "the good burgers of the antipodes will not stand for this. They are very keen on egalitarianism and other eagles down there."
Well, no. Most people saw the Honours system as a bit of a laugh a bit of a joke and now and then someone who had actually done something good managed to sneak in.
Unsurprisingly, Mr. Abbott has managed to bugger that up with one of his appointments to the position of Knight of Australia. He has given this to the husband of the current Queen of England Prince Phillip Mountbatten of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg. That's the Athens, Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburgs
Now people are at first bemused by making the husband of the reigning Queen a knight since in the wacky way of such things that is a demotion. But then there is that "Who the fuck is that guy, anyway?" And that is where it gets sticky since the Prince is probably most well known for a looong series of racist or sexist statement he has made in the past. Quite the idiot.
Which is all by way of saying that Mr. Abbott is displaying the effects of too much heat on the human mind. In the words of a highly influential member of the twitterarti (me) Abbott has set the controls for the heart of the sun.
Which, while it bodes ill for the Great Southern Land, might be quite funny for the rest of us if we did not have a similar set of loons in charge of our country.
Anyway the World Cup of Cricket will be in Strailya and New Zild shortly so then we won't have to worry about things too much unless Abbott bites someone (probably a brown person) and orders the Aussie team to be crucified while our Dear Leader gushes to the Indian Prime Minister that he likes curry.