Monday, January 26, 2015

A Prince Among Men.

It is a well known fact among people who live under internet bridges that the Great Southern Land or Australia was discovered by Captain James Cook whilst looking for the remote down the back of the South Pacific Ocean. While carefully sailing his boat onto rocks near the current site of Sydney, Cook noticed that the rocks were connected to a larger mass of land which he had not noticed before.
Writing in his diary Cook noted "Hit a large land mass today, I think the helmsman was having one of his turns. he keeps shouting at someone called Mr. Turniphead. My uncle had a cat called Turnip. Have given orders for the Merchants and Providor "Riddled" persons to be keel hauled if they come around again. I wonder what happened to that cat?"
Aside from the slur upon the good offices of "Riddled Time Travelling  Merchants to the Discerning", the interesting fact is that Cook pays more attention to a cat than he does to the inhabitants of the Great Southern Land who were probably having a laugh at the Pommies stuck on the rocks. Thus was the stage set for Australia's  development.
This upward trending in an on going progressionary go forward manner has resulted in the current government who could loosely and possibly unkindly be described as "off the twig" in Australian parlance with its 300 ways of describing the effects of too much heat on the human mind.
The head banana in Australia is Tony Abbott (a name that has given Australian parlance 301 ways to describe the effects of too much heat on the human mind) and he has taken the obligatory step for a conservative government in these Great Southern Oceans of re-instating outdated methods of enforcing feudalism such as "Work Longer For Less Pay" laws and "We'll Spy On Who We Want To" laws and the very popular "Fuck Off If You Don't Like It" laws.
Similarly he has re-instated the Honours System.
This fabulous relic of colonial exploitation and repression gives the Gubblement of the day the power to hand out fancy badges and funny titles to whomsoever they wish to give them to and the rest of us peons can continue to kick a can along the road.
"Oh ho" people will say "the good burgers of the antipodes will not stand for this. They are very keen on egalitarianism and other eagles down there."
 Well, no. Most people saw the Honours system as a bit of a laugh a bit of a joke and now and then someone who had actually done something good managed to sneak in.
Unsurprisingly, Mr. Abbott has managed to bugger that up with one of his appointments to the position of Knight of Australia. He has given this to the husband of the current Queen of England Prince Phillip Mountbatten of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg. That's the Athens, Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburgs
Now people are at first bemused by making the husband of the reigning Queen a knight since in the wacky way of such things that is a demotion. But then there is that "Who the fuck is that guy, anyway?" And that is where it gets sticky since the Prince is probably most well known for a looong series of racist or sexist statement he has made in the past. Quite the idiot.
Which is all by way of saying that Mr. Abbott is displaying the effects of too much heat on the human mind. In the words of a highly influential member of the twitterarti (me) Abbott has set the controls for the heart of the sun.
Which, while it bodes ill for the Great Southern Land, might be quite funny for the rest of us if we did not have a similar set of loons in charge of our country.
Anyway the World Cup of Cricket will be in Strailya and New Zild  shortly so then we won't have to worry about things too much  unless Abbott bites someone (probably a brown person) and orders the Aussie team to be crucified while our Dear Leader gushes to the Indian Prime Minister that he likes curry.   


Smut Clyde said...

the effects of too much heat on the human mind.

27 deg. C in Wellyton today and ewjAocetrt5vn4 k43

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

You want some spare snow?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Only partially O.T. (since Rupert Murdoch is both a Knight Commander of the Order of Saint Gregory the Great and an upside-downy, originally):
Fox is, after all, the network of death panels, terrorist fist jabs, birtherism, anchor babies, victory mosques, wars on Christmas and Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi. It's not just that it is the chief global distributor of unfact and untruth but that it distributes unfact and untruth with a bluster, an arrogance, a gonad-grabbing swagger, that implicitly and intentionally dares you to believe fact and truth matter.

Many of us have gotten used to this. We don't even bother to protest Fox being Fox. Might as well protest a sewer for stinking.

rhwombat said...

Normally, the mere mention of anything Oz-like in the all-important Overseas Press (aka the Old Empire, the Anglosphere, the Rupertariat, or, for the temporally-challenged, like Toady Rabbott and his mentor the Emperor "Honest" Johnny Palpatine, "Home") of which the Riddled Conspiracy is a notable, (if distressingly antipodean) member, reduces even the laconic, pig-shooting Bushies that Toady tries to emulate, to the pathetic, racist jactitating spaniels that they really are.

Not today. Toady has attained apogee in Low Rupert Orbit, but has run out of narrativium and will now deorbit with spectacular results sometime in the next few months. This will cause the Plutocrats who own the current junta to instruct their middle managers in the LNP (Lackey Newscorpse Party) and the IPA (Institute for Public Arselicking) to run around saying the BSkyB is falling, until they trip into the crater left by the last time Darth Cheney and the Koch suckers played Ōllamaliztli with Junior's skull. There are some pisstakes that one cannot survive, even if one has been cycling in the midday sun with a mercury impregnated helmet.

Won't someone think of the satirists?:

rhwombat said...

Here's one that I ejaculated earlier:

Thus ends the IPA-sponsored Giant Hardon Collider Experiment - not with a bang, but a whimper.

Using the Rupertron to generate massive egos, spun up to relativistic speeds in a highly charged environment, then fired at a solid block of inherited privilege has resulted in a supercritical mass of Abbottonium. While Abbottonium has a natural half-life of femtoseconds, if the the resulting mass exceeds the Chandrasekhar limit it will collapse under gravitational force, releasing massive amounts of energy in the form of Howard Bozos and leaving a black hole of stupidity and a faint smell of cycle shoes.

It used to be said that nothing escapes the event horizon of a black hole of stupid, however we now know that even a black hole of Toady eventually evaporates: it emits (Bruce) Hawker radiation due to the separation of Peta and antiPeta (or Brian) particles arising in quantum foam at the event horizon, with one of the particles being eliminated on crossing the horizon. Thus, nothing will be left of Toady in this space-time continuum save a gentle glow of unrequited ions of calibre.

Another Kiwi said...

Mr Firstdogonthemoon is a national treasure and should be forced into a Truman show village where he has nothing to do except produce cartoons. See also Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin
There are rumours that the hench persons are beginning to turn on Tony and do not sit with him in the cafeteria.

Another Kiwi said...

rhwombat's "Brief History of Tone" will be available in all good bookshops last year.

rhwombat said...


(1) Already done: FD exists in both The Hipster Republic of Brunswick ( ) and the Grauniad - can't get much more Truman show village than that.

(2) It was also ever thus with Toady: I was at Sydney Uni in the late 70's when he was beginning his rampages on the SRC. He's subsequently regressed.

(3) Ha! BTW it's going to be interesting to see how the current film deals with the fact that Hawking doesn't have motor neurone disease, he has a form of spinocerebellar atrophy.