The light that never, never warms [Patients are dying The horses are dazed]

Let me draw your attention to Items 2 and 3

IV laser acupuncture? Is this a thing? I was comfortable in my ignorance, believing that the medical applications of lasers are limited to self-cauterising incisions, tissue ablation, and boring conference delegates by pointing to bullet-pointed items on a PPT projection.

And entertaining cats.

Thank you Mrs Spat. "Entertaining cats" is not a medical application.

It is if it saves you a trip to the hospital.

And entertaining cats. Anyway. Thanks for nothing, Gazoogle, for bringing the International Society for Medical Laser Applications to my attention.

12.30 – 13.00: Prof. Dr. Supaporn Muchimapura (THA): Laser acupuncture at HT7 acupoint improves memory impairment and neurodegeneration in hippocampus of memory deficit rats

It transpires that the millennia-old wisdom of Chinese sages has been harnessed to map out the yin / yang meridians in rodents, with enough precision to localise the HT7 acupoint of rats and enhance their hippocampus function. The next step will be to map meridians in sea-horses and enhance their rat performance.

12.50 – 13.20: Dr. Jürgen Arnhold (DE) / Dr. Aristotelis Davaroukas (DE): Photodynamic Tumour Therapy in Urology

A fibre-optic catheter is one way of bringing the laser illumination directly to bear onna prostate cancer; the other way is the Blofeld approach. Remember the first author's name!

13.20 – 13.50: Dr. Toshio Inui (JP): New Research on Macrophage Activating Factor (GcMAF) in Cancer Therapy

Why use one scam at a time when you can have two? Inui is grifter-in-chief at the Saisei Mirai chain of cancer clinics, noted for their

eclectic, non-judgemental portfolio of long-abandoned pre-chemotherapy treatments including Laetrile, Ukrain and Coley Toxins, as well as cutting-edge woo and their own special patented GcMAF-labelled product.

16.00 – 16.45: Dr. Joseph Purita (USA): Cutting Edge Uses of PRP and Stem Cell Therapy in Musculoskeletal Conditions

Why use just one scam when you can have two? Some of us would warn "Don't mix the streams!" but the Alt-Med people flyte in the face of danger, they make mock of your timorous concerns. And adding Newton's colour circle intensifies the impact of every non-Western wisdom.

But wait, there's more! Here's a persiflagous GcMAF wibble-fest from Dr Reinwald:

08:30 – 09:15 Dr. Richard de Andrea MD (9): Laser activated stem cells, Exosomes & Somatids: is »Germ Theory« the real deal?

Richard deAndrea should not be a stranger to the sedulously attention-paying Riddled readership. Now based in Bangkok, he initially made his bones in the Alt-Med world in Los Angeles, running an "Oxygen bar" for self-obsessed quackbait wanting to compensate for overdosing on anti-oxidants.

14:00 – 14:45 Dr. Jürgen Arnhold MD (13): Photodynamic Therapy (PDT) and Immunotherapy with GcMAF in Cancer

Dr Arnhold gets around.

Which brings us to the Immune Care Center in Thailand... a new entrant to the Alt-Med tourism market, targeting the specific niche of AIDS-cure tourism. It features IV laser acupuncture -- "State-of-the-art German Technology that stimulates the immune response system" -- for when you have a fibre-optic cable, you might as well extend the mystical benefits of monochromatic illumination to venous linings by threading it into a vein. Just wash it after the urology prostate treatment, plz?

Ozone Tobacco Insufflator kit

Also Soylent Green Amino Acid therapy... colonic hydrotherapy (a DeAndreas specialty)... Rectal Ozone Insufflation (!!)... and PCR testing for HIV... in contrast to the commonly-available Western-Blot chromatography. PCR is more expensive, labour-intensive and not available by mail, but evidently it offers 100% confirmation of diagnosis, and is better-tailored for the needs of people who have already received clean bills of health but persist in their hypochondria. Though personally at Riddled we prefer tests to have frequent false positives, as these provide more opportunities to parade our rate of cure when we later discharge patients with zero viral load. The point of HIV testing is unclear as the keystone of the Immune Care website is a link to an interview with yogurt impresario Marco Ruggiero in which he denies any connection between HIV and AIDS.

The website is not quite ready for prime-time, and remains devoid of finer details, in the manner of a Mediterranean resort hotel; some bloggers would throw it back into the Water of Woo to grow a little larger. But here at Riddled we do not waver or flinch or steadslow in our commitment to bring you the best and freshest flim-flam straight from the scamocopoeia, and if it is less than legal size, tant pis.*

Details still TBA include the in-patient regimen, and the list of clinic staff. Perhaps the website designer was too busy purloining content from the Daily Mail and HuffPost and that hive of scum and villainy Townsend Letter.

No effort has been spared, however, in listing in corroborative detail the side-effects and drawbacks of anti-retroviral drugs. The clinic's business model is to encourage patients to discontinue or eschew the treatment that can keep them alive. Ah well, fair enough to bill them for squeaky-clean colons and proprietary amino acids, it's not as if they will have much future need of their savings.

But one contact phone number leads the inquiring mind to Gary A. Fernandes. He and Melissa Thomas-Fernandes are associates of Richard DeAndreas (who should not be a stranger). Their Yatebo pages list them as working for Global Stem Cell Network as Health and Wellness Coordinator, and Wellness Coordinator, respectively. These were not among the career pathways presented to me by the vocational-guidance counsellor back at Cowtech College, though I can see that no-one wants their wellness to be uncoordinated.

Global Stem Cell Network itself is a few years old, dating from a more innocent time when 'stem-cell' was still powerful juju and did not need the adjunct of potentiation with monochromatic light. It is part of a fissiparous parade of interlinked websites and companies sloughing from one another's flanks and nested in the manner of Abhoth Matryoshka dolls, WHOOPS the Metaphor Mill has broken down. We apologise for. Normal service will be resumed. I told Another Kiwi and tigris that we should upgrade to a decent Metaphor Sampo, but did anyone listen to Uncle Smut? DTBG.

In the meantime, our Emergency Back-up Metaphor compares GSCN and its kindred companies (registered to or headed by DeAndrea) to a Cloud of Witness around him -- I think that's the correct collective noun -- or to a Churchillian bodyguard. The Gazoogle tells me that Cthulhu Nesting Dolls are a thing, but so far neither Abhoth nor Ubbo-Sathla CHIZ.

Does the Immune Care Center happen to offer the AIDS / cancer / autism / ME-CFS / cadmium-poisoning / lyme-disease curing protein GcMAF?

See, everyone, Mrs Spat was paying attention! Though in fact it is not GcMAF, but GOleic, the New Better Improved version rolled out not long ago and made by mixing GcMAF with olive-oil acids.

It appears, however, that Richard DeAndrea was not paying attention while he was at the WibbleFest giving PPT presentations with the laser pointer, or he would have heard the message from other attendees that GOleic is obsolete already. It is not clear whether the proliferation of skeevy low-life dirtballs purveying GOleic has debased the term and made it synonymous in the minds of the public with avaricious intent, or simply rubbed off the bloom of novelty required for efficacy. Either way, its superiority over plain GcMAF has worn off already,and Drs Reinwald and Ruggiero have moved on to promoting quite a new good thing called Rerum:

Prof. Ruggiero held a splendid lecture at the Medical Week in Baden Baden telling the story about the new Rerum which is the successor of GOleic.
At the same time he deconstructed the myth about the protein as the main acting substance in GcMAF as well as the false conception of Nagalase being a tumor marker

So it's GOleic but without the GcMAF. Several morals can be drawn... first and foremost, don't stockpile any New Improved medication from Swiss or German private clinics, because in six months' time it stands to be replaced by Newer Improveder Medication, This Time it Works.

--------------------------------------------

Anyhoo,Gary and Melissa showed up in Bangkok a few years ago to run the SoQi Hot Spa Wellness Center... the therapy on offer being heatlamps, but reimagined as ancient Chinese / Native American Sweat-Lodge Healing-Energy Chakra-Harmonizing Wisdom. So let us congratulate Gary on his promotion to a key role within the HIV-denialism racket. I am eager to learn whether his duties include the Colonic Hydrotherapy in person or whether they'll have extra staff for that. I'm sure his parents are proud of him.

* Translation: My aunt is much happier
since she made a telephone call