Thursday, January 6, 2011

With bells on

Our alien overlords are jaded and they turn to ever more bloodthirsty diversions to ease their infinite ennui, forcing lesser species into scenes of gladiatorial conflict for their own entertainment. They wager vast stakes on the outcomes, winning or losing entire planetary systems as one slave species defeats another. As AK noted yesterday, the orbs are in the habit of abducting humans to take part in these intergalactic Morris-dancing contests.

Morris dancers endure a harsh exercise regime to keep them in condition for the arena. Here a trainee dancer is tossing Indian clubs into a spiderweb, under the tutelage of a robotic Terminator:

One can only speculate about the alternative roles that the alien civilisation might have found for the human race if the BBC had chosen a different topic for its pioneering TV broadcasts from Alexandra Palace in 1936. As it is, though, one cannot blame them for judging our usefulness from the first signals they saw that brought us to their attention.

The human abductees are secretly training and planning to turn their sticks and bells against the orb captors, rise up, and steal a starship back to Earth. This always happens. It must be an old tradition, or a charter or something.

I had envisaged Bruce Campbell for the key role of the leader of the morris dancers' revolt.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Excellent choice, S.C.

tigris said...

This always happens.

What, Morris Dancers are always revolting? WHO KNEW?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Bruce'll have to hit the Stairmaster to fit into the role of Alluring Buttock Guy.

Another Kiwi said...

As the two photos from "Crouching Morris, Hidden Bells" show, it is not an art form for the faint-hearted

Substance McGravitas said...

tossing Indian clubs

The more lowbrow commenters might have said bowling pins, but who can judge the refinement of alien tastes? Anal probes seem equally lower and upper class to me.

Not middle.

Smut Clyde said...

Bowling pins have flatter bottoms, as indeed should Bruce Campbell.