Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas Spam: All the scars are on the inside

It's that time of year again when the invitations to plastic-surgery congresses appear in the Inbox. This one's more disturbingly titled than usual.


The mouse-over text bubbles keep referring to "techniques from the opposite sides of the spectrum". If your spectrum has two sides then you are doin it rong.*





I'm gonna assume that the porny nude photograph is the Before image. They forgot the After image.
Strangely, Dr Adder is not listed on the Organising Committee.

* I do not rate for Cepstral analysis.

22 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And a Merry Blue Oyster Christmas to you, too, S.C.
~

fish said...

I am gong to have breast flaps put in.

mikey said...

I want to send special holiday wishes to Stupmpy McBoob, a woman with whom I have an odd and often uncomfortable relationship...

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Sure I LOVE BOOBIES, but I gotta admit that teh reason I'm staring is because I'm trying to figure out what's in teh bottle she's holding.

Rachel said...

Where on god's earth did you find a picture like that?! I suppose the dripping pipe is signifying that McBoob's vag is at knee-level?

Rachel said...

correction: STARTS at knee level... good for you know what!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'm gonna assume that the porny nude photograph is the Before image.

The only plastic surgery I'd suggest for her is the removal of that unsightly black rectangle.

Smut Clyde said...

Where on god's earth did you find a picture like that?!

The artist is Matt Howarth; it's from the 1984 illustrated edition of "Dr Adder". Which is a flawed book in terms of narrative structure, and I would recommend David Cronenberg's cinematic adaptation instead, except that does not exist in this reality.

The only plastic surgery I'd suggest for her

I was disappointed by the absence of "Cosmetic Reconstruction of Gill Slits" from the list of available procedures.

wiley said...

Women feel like they're supposed to do this so who won't think that the average man wouldn't fuck a wood pile?

I mean really. If you want to be trophy wife, then I guess that's your thing. If you want to stay a trophy wife, well then maybe you should get a good lawyer and free yourself, instead--- a good, young, good-looking straight lawyer--- he'd probably fuck you five ways from Sunday, wrinkles, saggy boobs and all.

If you just want to get laid, go for a ride down one of those disreputable streets that every city has and see what the menz will pay money to screw.

If you want him to love you, then haven't you been trying to do that long enough? Do you really want the "love" of a person who expects you to go under a knife to keep his attention? What's so hot about him? Really? What?

If you're doing it to love yourself? Don't. It won't work. You'll just find something else about you that is too real to look like the airbrushed, dramatically lit, vaseline smeared lens, professionally made-up, still life of a model in her (very young) prime.

Willy said...

From the seminar page:
How I do Lower Body Lift?

This seems to imply the use of heavy equipment.

Rachel said...

Right on Wiley. Correct me if I'm rong, mens out there, but don't you all look for a gal who will represent the beauty of your inner spirit (or something like that), so that's why for some she has to be physically perfect? See now, if you all believed in something outside yersells (say, this orange) you could accept how hopelessly imperfect all we humans are and subject to sagging and wrinkling, and then could still get it up for the older chicks!

Rachel said...

Almost forgot about this xmas tune:

http://youtu.be/ffO8nZThwmM

wiley said...

Clouds so gets lit up by older chicks. Very young women actually turn him off. Most of the menz in my life are younger than I am.

Substance McGravitas said...

The ad says head to toe but I do not see and provision for sole-of-the-foot enhancement.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Poor use of Poser on that flyer though.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

The ad says head to toe but I do not see and provision for sole-of-the-foot enhancement.

Substance, She's As Beautiful As A Foot.

Smut Clyde said...

The alternative title was going to be "Didn't believe it when he bit into her face".

vacuumslayer said...

GrPhbbbht. Some you ladies sound ungrateful about how helpful the plastic surgery industry is in pointing out all our flaws according to some arbitrary and possibly dangerous standard.

tigris said...

The ad says head to toe but I do not see and provision for sole-of-the-foot enhancement.

Nor are scalp aesthetics mentioned. I'd say it's half-assed but they'd probably take that as a request and remove my left buttcheek and I'm still using ol' Lefty.

fish said...

but they'd probably take that as a request and remove my left buttcheek

Obligate 3B mod.

Smut Clyde said...

I had ass-umed that tigris was alluding to the buttock-removal episode recounted in Chapter 12 of Candide.

Note to self: Find illustration.

Smut Clyde said...

Note to self: Find illustration.

Buggrit. The best illustration for the half-assed episode is by Angela Barrett, from a 1996 edition of Candide, included in the British Council's 2002 "Magic Pencil" exhibition. Is it anywhere on the Intertuba? Is it bogroll. Can I be arsed retracing it from memory? No.