Saturday, August 11, 2012

"A hand-thrown teacup from pottery class; Smut Clyde after his third Winterstipple Snakebite; and this aggression."

"I'll take 'Things that Will Not Stand' for $200, Alex."

Problem:
The House of Substance has edged ahead of Riddled as the first hit for the search term 'Vat-grown Godmeat', despite its proprietor never using those precise words, and merely blogging about vat-grown Bodhisattva meat.

Resolved:
To do something about it. Preferably to be done by someone else. Probably involving research of dubious legality and questionable legality. Try harder to find the transformations.

Interim Conclusions:
(1) There should be no further experiments with the Evolvamat in the Godmeat tissue-culture facilities. Evolved Godmeat is too unpredictable. Also, advertise for a new lab technician.
(2) Persevere with experiments with vat-grown brains.
Right: Vat-grown brain escaping from lab
and devouring an endangered native rat

99% prion-disease-free!
Novelty telephone handpiece
So far they have ended badly but the efforts did result in a new product for the Riddled Gift Shoppe so they were not a total waste of time.


(3) A six-sigma 360° consultancy analysis indicates that the current bottleneck in the production of vat-grown godmeat lies at the stage of slicing and harvesting, which is an expensive process dependent on skilled labour.

(4) An ad-hoc subcommitte was convened consisting of Smut Clyde, Another Kiwi and two flagons of Winterstipple Scrumpy. Stakeholders were consulted. Boxes were thought outside of. Hock was added. An answer was obtained: The future lies with self-dividing god-meat, i.e. out-sourcing the work to itself.

(5) All that remains is to isolate the gene for self-slicing and implant it in the godmeat cell lines.

One can only hope that self-dividing godmeat is not as grumpy as the Magic Pudding.


UPDATE:
"It's Evangeline van Holsterin from the Old Entomologist," I said, putting down the novelty telephone handpiece. "She wants to know if the giant vat-grown brain has escaped from the laboratory again and is using its telekinetic powers to hover above the garden bar."

"Tell her it's probably a novelty blimp," said Another Kiwi.

14 comments:

ckc (not kc) said...

...yah, that one on the right there is nothing BUT rocks - someone's not trying

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Try harder to find the transformations.


I see what you do there.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

It appears that Riddled has ridden back into the lead.

The Winterstipple works!
~

Substance McGravitas said...

All that remains is to isolate the gene for self-slicing and implant it in the godmeat cell lines.

If you wind up with a mountain growing for ten thousand years you're looking at a continuous meat avalanche.

The Google tells me you will soon be the only hit for the continuous meat avalanche.

M. Bouffant said...

Always my fave hovering brain flick.

Damn zombie beat me to seeing what Smut did there.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Persevere with experiments with vat-grown brains.

The floor is no place for brains, vat-grown or not.

Smut Clyde said...

The floor is no place for brains
Oh nostalgia.

Always my fave hovering brain flick
Brain from Planet Arous comes under the heading of "Space-travelling law-enforcement officers are always crash-landing on Earth and enlisting local help in pursuit of a crash-landed alien criminal".

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

You rock..you really do.

wiley said...

God meat again?!

M. Bouffant said...

In the same genre, The Hidden, notable for the alien killer turning up the metal on its boom box (watch the trailer) each time it starts slaughtering.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

yeah, but who doesn't MB?

Smut Clyde said...

In the same genre, The Hidden
HA HA MB has not checked the 5th link from that earlier post.
See also Peacemaker.

Smut Clyde said...

the alien killer turning up the metal on its boom box
If it is not playing "Inna godda da vida" then I say AMATEUR.

M. Bouffant said...

I wouldn't even have read the comments if I hadn't seen my gravy-tar there.