Monday, March 22, 2021

Sometimes a Great Lotion

I am to be unmasked! This is just tiresome, after all that time I spent learning to control the musculature of my current mask to produce "smile" expressions that are sufficiently convincing as not to cause small children to flee in terror.
The back-story:
I was of the opinion that David Noakes would not remain a fugitive from English justice for long, as this would require him to keep a low profile and his mouth zipped. As noted in previous bloggage, he soon relapsed into the fell hands of the officers of the Law, and was successfully extradited to France. I assume that the proceedings against Noakes' associates (which were on hold during his unavailability) will soon, well, proceed.

Indeed, trial dates 22-26 March have been set for Noakes and Lynda Thyer. Anyone in Paris who can sit in on the sessions is hereby deputised as Riddled Reporter, and entitled to wear an official Riddled PRESS badge in the brim of their fedora... totally not the perforated rectangle on the side of a 1.5-litre box of Velluto Rosso or Wohnsiedler that you push inwards to unseal the carton and access the spigot of the wine bladder.

Donation recipient: Scott Tips, of NHF
This follows a year of alarums and excursions and general agita in supplement-pimp circles. Coverage of Thyer's legal travails in a French gaol was a roller-coaster alternation between the pinnacles of self-congratulatory elation each time the NHF lawyer persuaded a French judge that Thyer was not a flight risk and could safely be allowed bail, and the troughs of sullen resentment when higher courts over-ruled those decisions (the whole "being caught while boarding a Eurostar back to London" episode didn't help). Still, each cycle was good for another round of NHF Thyer-related crowd-source fund-raising, and who am I to wonder how much of the donations is needed to cover NHF administrative expenses?

Our operators are standing by

Here, for connoisseurs of the genre, is a discussion of the legal technicalities of L'Affaire Thyer between professional conspiracy-peddlar Ramola D, struck-off pharmacist Neela, and some jamoke with his own home-bake Sovereign Citizen legal system, heavily dependent on colons. Neela may be ultracrepidarian here, as her real expertise lies more in persuading friends and siblings to abjure medical treatment, so as to make Dramalade from their deaths. But I digress.

I wear no mask
Fortunately, not everyone in the pro-Noakes, pro-Thyer Loonisphere is so pessimistic and so convinced that fair trials are impossible in a French court. Hence the comment from Anonymous, concerned that a four-year-old Riddled-post on Lesley Hutchings might detract from the fairness of her hearing... Hutchings being one of those associates whose trial is waiting for a verdict on Noakes. Yes, there are crowd-sourced legal fundraisers.

So I am to be subjected to the full rigours of the law, though which French statute I have violated still remains a mystery. I had no idea that Riddled is so influential, but if this results in a separate Riddled-related subplot in the inevitable cinematic de-dramatisation of the GcMAF saga, I am available to play myself.
Artist's impression
Prosecuting Magistrate Jean-Luc Gadaud is incorruptible and inflexible, a version of Inspector Javert, so his character needs someone with a bass / baritone range if the adaptation of the saga takes operatic form (not necessarily Keanu Reeves as I previously insisted, to reflect Gadaud's badass career). Dibs on Les MAFérables as the title.

The hardest part for the scriptwriters will be handling the dynastic family soap-opera aspect. Readers will recall that Lynda Thyer was cosplay dress-up scientist and co-author on paper-shaped advertisements for Noakes' product. Lesley Hutchings and Trevor Banks initially served as Influencers (or 'shills' if you like), infiltrating support groups and discussion boards for ME/CFS and cancer and such as to post as fellow-sufferers while pimping Noakes' brand, before they went into competition with their own 'CytoInnovations' GcMAF-related products. Having three siblings on Noakes' payroll might seem excessive, enough to remind the previously-suspended Disbelief of its safe-word and bring it crashing back down to earth.
Dynastic family soap-opera: The Fosdyke Saga
Their father also served the GcMAF industry in his own way, first as living proof that GcMAF cures cancer, then (after his death from cancer) as a reason why Thyer deserved sympathy and donations rather than extradition.

Hutchings, of course, found a French farmhouse as base for formulating and selling the MAFActive range of GcMAF-scented skin-creams, unguents and liniments of gratified desire, which is why she now awaits her turn in the French prosecutorial queue.

Trevor Banks is still on the right side of the law, though, still in business with the 'Cytonics' brand -- along with "Omnia", which is his own-label no-frills plain-pack knock-off of the more up-market "Rerum" (previously purveyed by Marco Ruggiero and Michael Kelly). Nothing seems to have become of his attempt to diversify into Latin America with a Spanish-translation "" webstore, in partnership with Kerri Rivera of the Church of Bleach.*

Doubtless there is some reason why Trevor can't help out his siblings and former colleagues with their expenses, forcing them to throw themselves upon the kindness of strangers. Perhaps the crowdsourcing appeals are helpful for building character.

UPDATE: I have been unfair, Trevor Banks did set up a "" website.

* I nearly forgot, Kerri Rivera has her own condroitin / vitamin-D / oleic-acid knock-off to compete with Rerum and Omnia, because 'Rivera could teach lessons to Depression-era bindlestiffs in "How to leap onto moving wagons"'. She is currently in strife with the FDA for marketing the stuff as a cure for COVID-19. A plague is a bonanza if you're a vulture.


H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...
for example?

Mentis Fugit said...

Small children who are paralysed with fear will not flee in terror. There's more than one way to skin a cat (and the pelt will make several novel masks.)